Chinese New Year

A few years ago, Chinese New Year was still a big deal. Canadian experience thought me to dim it a little over the years. This is the 5th year without a real CNY celebration. Well, I am afraid that some traditions may have slowly crept to the unconscious part of my memory. DO I miss it? OH yea! Lots, but it takes lot more work to celebrate it these days. Is stress, work, and more work a good reason to be forfeiting the thousand-year-old tradition? Guilt seeps in. Mum called two days back,"How are you celebrating it this year?" "Erm... ma, I have presentation and papers due that day. Cannot really do it" "Oh, so? Got any new clothes?" "Ma...... I am really busy". Silent. More guilt. It made me feel worst when I am packing my bags and head off to NY in 5 days. "Why not come home?", mum asked. "I wish, ma but you know I can't. Not now. I want to spend more time at home, and 5 days is not worth it for a 22 hr flight". "Oh, well okay then. Take care and remember to do something on Chinese New Year. Don't say bad things or throw tantrum okay? It is not auspicious". "Yes ma, love u... talk to you after my paper before I go to NY". Click. I wonder, how my mum look like when she was talking to me on the other end. Will I feel better knowing that she is fine with the whole thing? Or otherwise. It might turn out to be a nightmare for me tonight. Ah! How I wish I could warp home in a sec. I could only keep it up and smile now. At least, that would keep her worries away (hopefully).

Two zero zero five

To zero zero five: I wish that you will give us all more hope for a less violent year. It is disheartening to look back at your past, dear zero five because so many have suffered. Do you think mankind deserves all that? We have done many things that we have not been very proud of, so I guess .... hmm.. I've answered my own question.

Home, cakes, crumbles and cries

I was in the mall on Boxing day when it my cell rang. A voice in the other end went "Dear, where are your family holidaying this Christmas?" "The Borneo, what happen?" "Something bad has happened in Indonesia and many people died in Thailand, India and Malaysia" "Oh.." That was my best expression. Mom and family was suppose to fly back to Kuala Lumpur that morning. What could have happened? My stomached coiled and I began to feel squirmy feeling from within. I have to know if everyone is safe. Whatever that had happen is serious enough to trigger calls and.... so many nations are involved? When I finally got home and glued myself in front of the computer monitor, tears just rolled down. Could this be a sign of appocalypse? I finally got a message from my sister a few hours later informing me that everyone was fine at home. The heavy barrel inside was lifted. Messages slowly start to pour in from friends all over who expressed concerns; those who informed about their safety also expressed gratitude. I washed off the crumbles on the baking plate. The sight of the crumbles floating on the water sents shivers once again. "Oh my God" I cried silently. It was holiday, and supposedly a Holy Day for many when the tragedy took place. Prayers were repeated inside my head. For those who'd loss their love ones, I hope they be recovered. For those who'd survived, I pray that strength will continue to surge from within, and the will to live and fight on allows them to go through this challenging moment. The death toll of one shocking tragedy of 2004 as of Dec 31, was around 150,000. Did I spend my last day of the year in tears? Laughter? Neither. I call it a beginning of hope, and grateful that my love ones are still around to continue as my inspiration in life. I wish this new year and years that follow it will be pathed in a gentler manner. My boyfriend called this a tragic century. I beg to differ. The century has just begun, not ending. Miracles still continue to happen in the midst of all the cries. Optimism.... my dear And to all, may love encircles the self, the others and the together. Happy New Year.